d'oh

In the ongoing saga of my groaning jelly – oh wot I mean is the inglested torturture of my gluts by glue-tin and other fowl agentures I made a terrible blups. For weex I woz baking wot I believed to be superlatively springy - virtually edible - glue-tin free bread. Simultaneously I develipped wot eye beleeved 2 bee a terrible viral infextion of gargantuan enormity. It felt like adolf-bloody-hitler had set up concentration camp in my flumick – oh flootch, but it hurt like a hundrid nives. Anyhoo, can yoo imagine how dementedly stupid I felt (I like felt... hmmm..... fuzzy)... woops change of subject not good for impending confession of monumental stewpidditty, not to mention supermarketshelf blindness, which is like cupboard blindness, only you get it when yoo r not @ home – and which is a close derivative of male-fridge-blindness. Anyway wot hactually hoccurred was thus – being in a manner indisposed in my occular (and oraccular) abilities I had purchased upon one very faitfill day …. tadum-rum-titty-tum (a role of drums for effect) A Packet Of (ghasp, faint, schock) Semo-Bloody-Lina instead of coarse or medium maize-bloody-meal otherwise known to pundits of a more extravagant dispossession as Polenta. Now in the faithful and goodly belief that I was strirring 200g of Polenta/ maize-meal into my homemade gluten-free-bread (which I usually adds for to make it less gluey, tasteless and generally foul) I was in fact stirring in a foul pestilence of Gluten-Containing-Semolina – which is also yellow – and is next to the polenta on the shelf of the Big-Shark-Supermarket-Company-inc. The result was bread which was significantly “breadier” in texture – but which was causing foul weevils and stuff to sprout in my innards and thus I was in pain and stummick disorders for weeks before I discovered my mistake. Oh how futile, how foolishly, foolishly inane and dumb. Oh dear.
Anyway – on the upside – my salivations over gooey crumbs on underside of fish-fingers no longer need torment me in vain cos the Big-Shark-Supermarket-Company-inc (better known as “Tesco”) has brought out Big-Shark gluten free fish-fingers. (Not really made of shark... I don't think.... at least I hope not anyway.) This is most wondrous and blithe and oh if only they didn't put too much pepper (and salt) into their crumbs I could almost forgive them for their various heinous crimes.... one of which is putting too much salt into almost everything they make and another is ripping off other company's products all the time exettera exettera and gloingk. Anyway I have been enjoying being able to consume Coating-of-Crumb again... so boring that u have to eat the fishy bit in the middle too.... but sutchizlife and anyone hoo sez it izn't is probly not the most truthful of sorts. Anyway... I will spare everyone the torturous childhood antidotes this week – I am rahther tired... yawn, oh yes and I have to order my weekly groceries from the big pigs or sharks or wotever they call themselves. goodnite xxx