swans & other mutant creatures

The weather is starting to get really warm and my winter coat of thick fur is starting to be a serious problem. It is really nice to feel the warm sun streaming in thru the windows especially after the coldest winter since the ice age! Last night Tiddlebat and I went for a walk up to the lock at about 2am. It was wonderfully dark and watery and wet next to the canal. Tiddlebat thort he saw a swan on the canal. It turned out it was actually a duck (or a very fast swan that vanished into the night at record speed.) cos when we walked up to the bridge along the row of sleeping barges there was no swan to be seen. The really silly part was that I became convinced I was seeing one too – I really saw one gliding about in a ghostly fashion in the dark.
Tiddlebat and I have been best friends for about 20 years. Occasionally we co-habitate and produce mutant off-spring. Their names are Bird-Dog – who is 19, and Long-Kitten – who is 17 - he scratches and bites. L-K has actually inherited my fat hamster-like cheeks, but he doesn't like to be reminded. Occasionally he dashes into the kitchen, gives us a withering look of disdain, steps over our heads with his 6ft long legs, heads for the fridge, stuffs his cheeks with food, then disappears into his den again – where he exists in a weird cyber-world of concepts, far and way beyond the puny cognitive powers of his pathetically stupid parents who have to call him down from his lair every time their pc (or brain) is malfunctioning. B-D is a far more social animal and occasionally he alights on the couch and regales us with his witty banter or leads us into complex philosophical debates about the meaning of life. He is an art student. The sound of many explosions frequently issues forth from his room, I think (hope) it is some kind of computer game. He owns a pet pig on face-book.
What am I going to do today? Well, I was going to clean the house, but then I started doing this instead. I have not eaten any breakfast and am thinking of embarking upon a Buddha-like fast to cleanse my soul – maybe I will eat a small grain of rice later on. The truth is that I went on another gluten and dairy blow-out and now hate myself for it. I don't know why it is that the body has uncontrollable cravings for the things you are allergic to. Oh groan, why do I love bread and cheese so much. And I ate way too much of it. Why oh why oh why don't I just learn to stay away from those terrible, tempting, fattening, digestive-system-ruining, arthritis-inducing foods? I have to start all over again – for the 6th time this year – giving them up all over again. Oh groan, groan, groan, groan. Please pray for my soul.
Maybe I am going to achieve Nirvana and overcome my attachment to the physical world then all my problems will be solved. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Actually I have become very interested in Buddhism lately after watching a BBC documentary recently on “The Life of Buddha”. So I am spending my time trying to live acceptingly in each moment. Of course that is not easy when I have this furry battle-to-the-death going on inside me, between my cuddly, comfort-seeking hamster self, and my bitterly ironic and predatory cat-self. Also my idea of Buddhist meditation involves dancing around in a forest in a semi-shamanistic trance, making up my own rhapsodical chant as I go along. I am not very good at sitting cross-legged, or at doing what I am told..... or at sticking to my own resolutions ….... and I'm beginning to get hungry. Oh drat, how am I going to keep this up all day – better go and start cooking my one grain of rice!! Weeeeeeeell, I might substitute the word “bowl” for “grain” …. and the word “several” for “one”, alright so I'm probably not really going to fast today, but I am going to stick to my no gluten and dairy thing, which is going to be really hard, because I am making pies for supper tonight .... this is going to be reeeeeeally hard cos I lurrrrrrve puff-pastry. Oh drat, double drat, bloat, poop and snarl. (I promise I am going to be good.... cat is going to scratch hamster good if it try to eat cuddle-comfort food.)